The life energy that you apparently have/ are,
the force that’s making your limbs move,
the neurons in your brain shoot and the synapses connect in ways that cause (over?) reactions….
… and you just get dizzy and want it to STOP!
Nothing really happened, other than the continual expanding of my awareness.
My heart is racing.
Not sure I know what this organ really is good for. Well, it continues to get me into twisted, intense and unpredictable situations.
THANK YOU, Stupid!
This body and reality thing somehow isn’t for me.
As isn’t the mental and emotional stuff that comes with it.
I try to run, to escape.
No way out, no way in.
Enduring the unbearable.
I don’t know anything.
Living an illusion.
Being aware of the illusion. Doubting the truth of my awareness.
Do I win or lose?
Live or die?
The answer is: Both.
It’s this “both” in everything that’s so insane.
Not only a both….
Between the extremes there is a multitude of other, different truths and layers and flavours and conditions.
And all this gets me in a state, to the edge, the thin line between losing my mind and accessing my ultimate power and wisdom.
We’re all scared.
We’re all scarred.
We’re all sacred.
Anyone wishing for thicker skin?
You? – Why???
You can’t grow it, you can’t buy that shit, either.
And you don’t need it.
All the healers and guardians have to stand that high degree of sensitivity, insanity, rawness, walking around with open hearts and brains and eyes.
And by that I mean what feels like open heart SURGERY, open brain SURGERY, and full Third Eye BLASTS.
I’ll never get used to it.
I’ll always feel crazy, stupid, wrong.
Some of the hyper-sensitives try to numb it down.
Their knowing, their receptiveness, their “I take on and metabolize every goddamn energy and emotion that’s present around me and apparently also the stuff that’s going on at other places on the planet”-mechanisms.
Their wisdom. Their magnetism.
It’s hard to cope with it, especially when in doubt. Or fear. Or denial.
There is no such thing.
But the key, the theme for the next few months is
Fuck, that’s hard. I hear you.