How To Free Yourself Through The Power Of Your Story
Stories are for being shared.
They can entertain us, they can give us chills down our spines, they can make us melt into a puddle of compassion.
Stories move us. Stories are how we are able to relate. And they are a deep well of inspiration.
You have a story in you, too, waiting to be told. We all have. Telling your story can be quite cathartic and So. Damn. Freeing.
I have people seek me out as their coach because they feel they’re stuck somewhere in their mind and life, and because they want to change that.
You know why people get stuck? Because they have stories stuck inside them.
Stories of anger and failure stuck inside their bellies. Narratives of hurt and grief stuck inside their hearts. Tales of excuses and shame stuck inside their throat.
It is important, I’d even go as far as to say vital, to get them out!
Share them. It is important to express yourself. Spread your message.
Many folks are saying “I don’t know what my message is! I probably don’t have any…” Chances are, they’ve kept their story bottled up and hidden from the world. Through the process of telling your story, you learn so much about yourself.
If you’re a “I believe I don’t have anything to say” person:
Your message needs air to breathe. It develops like a flower: it needs oxygen and light. How do you give it that? – Start writing. The more you get off your chest, blue ink on white paper, re-visitable because you wrote it out, the more space you create for your message to sprout, to grow.
Your message needs to be watered. How do you do that? – You water your message with trust that it is important (and that it exists, to begin with).
I don’t say that telling your story is the same as identifying through it. I don’t say finding your message is done in a weekend and afterwards it will remain the same for the rest of your life. Don’t get this mixed up. And please don’t approach it as something to tick off your to-do list: Finding my message: check. I shall never be bothered with this again.
Life is a fluid thing. If you flow with it, it’ll change you. If you fight against change, you get stuck again.
Your message and story are not set in stone either:
You tell your story. And you tell it again. You see a pattern. And you retell the story. You witness how with every time you’re telling your story, your role in it changes. Once upon a time you were a victim, and then there’ll be the moment when you notice that the same you in that same story somehow morphed into a hero. That’s quite a transformative experience in itself.
You might object that your life doesn’t make for a good story. That it isn’t glorious, that there aren’t even hints of anything heroic. No epic shit, no life-altering breakthroughs. And you still haven’t achieved enlightenment.
Instead, your story is full of shame, frustration, shitty experiences and no real progress, you say? It has generous amounts of failure, resistance and darkness, you say?
Well, I’ll tell you something: The messiest stories are the most inspiring ones. You can’t even fathom just HOW MANY people there are who need to know about your story. Who can intimately relate to what you describe. And who are yearning to connect with others who “get them”.
Plus: Messy is honest.
Plus: The amount of hardship, trauma, “bad luck”, self-sabotage, disappointment, hurt, etc. you’ve experienced makes you real. You don’t have to wait until you “got the lesson”. You don’t have to keep silent until you’ve wrapped your mind around it and cleaned up the mess to present the world a sanitized version of you and your experience.
So much is numb and fake and overly clean and censored.We crave raw and real. We crave what’s there, without anything added or taken away. Click To Tweet
You could go ahead and share your story with a friend, with your therapist or your local fellow witches. You could share your story with your blog readers or your cat. You could even start by telling it to a lamp post on your way home from work.
I once had a tree, a beautiful and very patient birch. I’d stop by when walking the dog and I’d tell her my fears. I’d cry and I’d lean on her strong birch body and get grounded again. That was before I started writing.
That was how I began telling my story. To a tree, y’all.
When I began writing, I tried to write what I assumed people would like to read (yay for pleaser pattern in full swing).
Eventually my writing changed. Honestly, I was simply desperate and fed up with the rainbow BS pretense bit of me and the rest of mankind^^
I then wrote from a very loud and messy place in my heart. My heart was bleeding, and it was confused and scared. Most of all, though, this heart of mine had gotten really angry. Unable to hold back anymore, I’d write very raw posts, scared to press “publish” and prepared for all hell to break loose.
What actually happened was: I received tons of love (forever grateful!) and “me too!!!!”’s.
Point being: It’s so worth to tell your story. Everyone has a story to tell. And its not on you to judge yours as “not presentable”.
There’s no such thing as a “not presentable” story.
It’s what shaped you. And a lot of strength, resilience, and truth is revealed in telling your story. Sharing your story is an act of grace.
Sharing your pain, your passion, your dreams. The frustration and the shame bits. Especially the shame bits. Because by expressing fear and shame, exposing it to the light, you actually free yourself (as opposed to keeping silent about it, which will always keep you in a very confined and small space in which you’ll barely be able to be all of you).
It’s like deconstructing a prison you’ve been kept in for too long.
So, given your willingness to share the bits that your ego would rather want you to withhold (aka keeping your prison intact), telling your story is ultimately a very liberating act of Disobeying (your ego and all and any conventions) with Grace.
If you’re digging this and want to work with me one-on-one to start getting unstuck, you can contact me here.
I’m also planning on doing a “Tell-Your-Story” month in May, probably when the Sun clicks into Gemini (the story-tellers of the zodiac). It will be a month-long journey which we will embark on. There will be a private Facebook group as our platform, and weekly prompts and exercises to help you share your story in a safe space with fellow vulnerable story-sharers. Sign up to the Disobey With Grace email list if you want to get in the loop for more details.